I Am merchandise
by Valentine Thornton
Summary: Ponyboy is walking home from the movies one day when Tim pulls up in his car and starts acting crazy. Will Ponyboy be able to accept himself for what he is? Is the Sheppard's gang really just a bunch of raging homosexuals prostitutes? MY FIRST SLASH! Used to be "Love Is So Freaky". R&R please!
1. That Should Be Me

This is NOT JUST ANOTHER SLASH. this is a musical! And it's not all sex like other fics. Tis` alot of romance and feelinng annd other crap like that. So if you're looking for dicksucking and brutal S AND M you will have to wait for my next story. Yes i am talking in a serious tone for once in my miserable life.

**ON WITH THE STORY!**

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><p>It all started when I was walking home from the cinema one hot afternoon. I had just seen Cinderella on the big screen. It was an amazing movie. I love the fact that Disney makes fairytales into movies. In my opinion, it's great that little kids can have things like that to hold on to. I love fairytales too, and I believe in them. I don't care what everyone else thinks- who are they to judge me in any way? And why would I care enough to actually take their judgments to heart? They don't have any right to judge me or anyone else, because they don't know me. They don't know what I been through. They don't do nothin' for me. And they ain't nobody to me.<p>

I continued on home, thinking about Cinderella and judgment, when I heard a loud "vroom" sound come from behind. I turned around… and there it was…

The coolest car in the world… Tim Sheppard's car.

It's a Cadillac car. It's black as night, and it had the shiniest wax job this side of Tulsa, had to offer. I would do anything to ride in that car! It was the toughest car in all of Oklahoma. And I know it because Tim's drag raced with nearly every Soc in the state. He didn't even have to challenge any Greasers. They take one look at that Cadillac, and they retreat faster than you can say "greased lightning". They're cars were obviously no match. Don't get me wrong! Some of them have awesome cars… but Tim has a secret source of money that only a few people know about. Good thing too… because if anyone else did, he would be kicked out his own gang. Hell! I bet a riot would even break out! But as long as the secret stays a secret, we'll all be safe…

Tim pulled up beside me, in his beautiful car.

I started sweating… why am I getting nervous?

I felt awkward staring at the dark tinted window, until it slowly rolled down. Tim Sheppard was sitting in the front seat wearing a black pair of sunglasses, with his hair greasier than grease itself. He was wearing a tight under shirt that clung to his six-pack in all the right ways.

"Hey Curtis," he said casually. "You look pretty hot today! Damn!" I can't help but notice how suggestive these words sound… gross… sounds almost like the beginning of one of those corny pick up lines Twobit uses on girls that are way~ out of his league.

I must be sweating more than I thought… well it is pretty hot out… besides there's no way in hell, Tim would actually be sayin' something like that to me. I ain't his type. He doesn't like me like that.

I blushed deeply. I hate when I think like that. I'll never be able to be as cool as Tim or dally or any of the other hoods I know. No matter how hard I try to conceal how I feel, I always end up wearing my heart on my sleeve.

"Yeah," I replied. "I guess it is pretty hot out." I was trying hard to hide my embarrassment. And I guess I was doing a good job because Tim didn't seem to notice.

I calmed down a little bit, hoping that things would go back to normal- but they didn't! Things got even weirder!

"I mean it."

What?

"Ponyboy, I like you." Whoa! I think Tim put a little too much grease on his hair today. Some of it must have dripped through his scalp and caused him brain damage! That's the only logical exclamation for why this is happening!

"Tim… you need to see a doctor… like, immediately!" I said; not even bothering to hide my embarrassment anymore.

Tim removes his shades, pushes open the car door and gets out.

"Tim, sit back down! You obviously have some kind of head trauma from the heat!" I said stepping forward thinking he would fall down any minute. Tim wouldn't say this to… someone like me… so I figure he must be sick in the head. Because he's Tim Sheppard… why would he want me?

"You don't get it!" actually I do. I'm not that dumb! This is a test! Tim is acting this way to see if I'm straight or not. I am! 180 degrees! If I'm not then they won't let me into the Sheppard's gang. If I'm not straight then I don't deserve to be in the Sheppard's gang- or any gang for that matter! Homosexuality is wrong.

"No, Tim! _You_ don't get it! I'm not a fag! I don't go that way!" No use trying to be nice about it. After all he is pretending to be a faggot… might as well treat him like one…

Tim's face suddenly turned the darkest shade of red I had ever seen. He looked madder than I had ever seen him. I swear he has got to be the best actor I ever saw. Just think, what if he wasn't pretending…oh my gosh! The very idea, that I may be the reason for this much passion to come out of someone…

His aura was an incredible dark red. Almost like blood… it was such an erotic color… such a beautiful color…

He reached over at what seemed like light speed and grabbed my right arm.

I cried out- he was squeezing my bicep hard enough to leave bruises.

"Tim, stop!" I yelled "you're hurting me! Let go!"

He didn't let go. He grabbed hold of my left bicep too. He then jerked me towards him, pulling me against his chest.

My ear was mashed against his chest.

I blushed as I realized I could hear his heart beating through his shirt.

"Can you hear that Pony?" He asked aggressively. "Can you hear my heart beating at the same time as yours?"

I started struggling to get away, but he only held me tighter. Gosh he's strong! I never noticed that before. My ear was still pressed against his chest, and I couldn't help but notice how hard his Pecs were. I wonder how long a guy has to work to get that hard…

"Tim, please…" I didn't know what to say anymore… because if you want to know the truth… he wasn't lying … our hearts were beating at the same time. I could hear his, and I could feel mine. They beat together as if they were one. And with every second he held me, I noticed mine beat stronger and stronger. His did the same; beating in harmony with mine.

Tim let me go, and I almost fell down.

I looked up at him. He wasn't angry anymore. In fact he wasn't in any type of mood that I could recognize as Tim's. I had never seen a facial expression like this before. Especially not on Tim Sheppard!

He was smiling… but he wasn't smiling… he was crying… but he wasn't crying… he was laughing, yet he made no sound.

Joy. Happiness… but there was something else that I couldn't figure out at all. What is it? Longing? Yes that and possessiveness… why?

I felt my heart skipped a beat, and I suddenly felt like I… wanted him to hold me close again. Why me?

"Ponyboy I love you. We are meant to be together… FOREVER." The expression on his face can only be described as one thing…

But I can't even think it… its wrong… everything that just happened was wrong…

He's Tim Sheppard. He isn't gay! And I Ain't either!

"Don't try and fight it!" Tim yelled "its destiny."

Suddenly I didn't care if it was wrong anymore. I needed Tim to hold me again- I felt like I'd die if he didn't. So what if it isn't right. If loving another person is wrong then I don't wanna be right! Besides I do love Tim… I always have. I never admitted it, but now I am! I LOVE TIM SHEPPARD!

I always knew we were connected in some way. Whatever it was, it was always pulling me towards him. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him, and not be talking to him. Tim was like a drug to me… I wanted him even though I wasn't supposed to have him. So eventually I couldn't stand being away from him, so I asked to join his gang.

He said I could, but I had to pass a few tests to prove I'm worthy of being a part of their gang. I understood. They don't let just anybody be in the Sheppard's gang. You gotta be tougher than nails. You gotta be more loyal than a dog. And most of all you gotta be straight. Tim is strictly Anti-Homo- well, at least I thought he was…

I never would have guessed that Tim was like this.

"I love you too Tim…" I was scared. This has never happened to me before… it's so wrong… yet it's so right…

Tim grabs my hand and the music starts playing.

"_That should be me." _Tim sang in a beautiful voice that was not soprano, but not alto either- in the middle.

"_That should be me, holding your hand. That should be me, making you laugh..."_ I was rendered speechless by what and amazing voice Tim had.

His strange orangish- yellow eyes were gazing straight into mine.

"_That should be me. This is so sad. That should be me. That should be me."_ Tim has an incredible voice… I wish I could sing like that. Some people have all the luck! They find their voices early. But some of us don't get their voices till their older. Johnny is one of the unlucky ones… so am I…

"_That should be me, feeling your kiss…" _Tim pulled me a little closer to him. I blushed.

"_That should be me, buying you gifts" _I pulled away from him and tried to sing.

I took a deep breath and sang the first thing that popped into my head_._

"_This is so wrong." _I failed miserably at singing. My voice came out small and shaky. Pitiful… embarrassing…

Tim looked angry again. He grabbed my arms and pulled me in close again. I felt our hearts beating again.

"_I can't go on, till you believe- That Should Be Me~"_

Tim Sheppard drove me home after that. I finally got to ride in that incredible car.

I was sitting at the window, just looking out up at the stars. It was a crystal clear night. The moon was hanging out with the stars and shining brighter than any of them… except for one of them… there was one star shining almost as bright as the moon was. The moon and the star were side by side in the sky. And with each second they seemed to get brighter and brighter. None of the other stars were near as important as that one. The other stars didn't want to be around those two. They seemed to get farther and farther away from them, leaving just the moon and a star surrounded by darkness. All alone is what they are going to be. But at the same time they won't be alone… because they have each other…

I've never felt this way before.

I looked over at the clock. It was 11:09. I should really go to bed.

I thought of how at first I completely rejected homosexuality, and refused to be one of the souls who would be damned for all eternity. But then Tim showed me that we were made for each other and I gave in. I love Tim Sheppard. And we will be together forever.

I thought of Tim Sheppard's amazing voice. I remembered trying to sing along with him and failing miserably… I remembered the look on his face when he realized that I couldn't sing yet. It was pity mixed with disappointment and disgust.

I thought about losing Tim, because I couldn't sing yet. It would be horrible- just horrible! Now that I know we're soul mates, whenever I'm away from him I feel like a piece of me fell off and died. Without Tim, life is pointless. I'd rather die than be without him.

If I'm ever without him for too long, I'll surely die.

I need to find my voice. My life depends on it.

11:10

I'm one of the unlucky ones who haven't found their voice yet.

"Ponyboy," I turned around and looked at Sodapop lying on the bed. When did he come in?

"Yeah Soda?"

"Come to bed."

"In a minute." Sodapop rolled over and pulled the blanket up over himself.

I looked up at the moon and star again. All the other stars were gone.

After a moment I heard Sodapop snoring softly. Then he started singing in his sleep.

He always does that…

He has an amazing voice… but not as good as Tim's…

11:11

I decided to make a wish on that star.

"_A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep." Sang soda._

"I wish..."

"_In dreams you will lose your heartache, and whatever you wish for you keep."_

My heart suddenly skipped a beat, and all I could think about was Tim. My heart was slowing down and speeding up at the same time. I could feel my heart beating softer and softer…

It hurt…

"_Have faith in your dreams and some day, your rainbow will come smiling through…"_

I needed Tim to be with me_._

"… I- I- wish…" I put my head in my hands, trying to block out soda's singing.

"_No matter how your heart is wreathing, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."_

It's the song from Cinderella… how does he know that song? He didn't go see the movie!

"...I… wish…for…" I still couldn't make the wish… all I could think about was Tim.

_I _gave up, and climbed into bed with Soda.

I continued listening to soda's singing. I was hoping it would lull me off to sleep and make me stop stressing.

"_A dream is a wish your heat makes, when you're feeling small._

_Alone in the night you whisper, thinking no one can hear you at all._

_You wake in the morning sunrise, to find fortune that is smiling on you._

_Don't let your heat be filled with sorrow._

_For all you know tomorrow; the dream that you wish will come true."_

As I went to sleep Tim's name kept echoing in my head. I thought I was gonna go mad if it didn't stop. I put my hands over my ears, but I could still hear it.

'_Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim.'_

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><p><strong><em>YEAH I KNOW THAT WAS TERRIBLE! BUT I WANT YOUR COMMENTS, FLAMMES AND OTHER CRAP YOU CAN THROW A ME. I LIKE IT ROUGH! HONEST OPINIONS. AND IF YOU HATE IT FUCK YOU! THIS FIC IS LIKE SEX WITH AN ANGRY DALLAS WINSTON. YOU CAN KICK AND SCREAM ALL YOU WANT TO... BUT IT'S HAPPENING IF HE WANTS U BAD ENOUGH!<br>_**

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	2. Girl Worth Fighting For

**_Well, I didn't think I would ever update this... but I did... I always knew what I wanted to do for the next chapter but I guess I hesitated. Majorly! BTW, The song in this Chapter is "Girl Worth Fighting For" from "Mulan." If you don't already now the song I suggest you look it up. Also, I had the fuck with the song a little bit in order to make it work. Btwwww, I'm sorry for any mistakes... Also sorry if this Chapter or the last one is corney. I never had a boyfriend before and... well I don't know too much about... " 3 WUUUUUUUVVVVVVV 3" . *Bats Ginormous Eyelashes* This is my first slash, I'm trying to get as many reviews for it as possible even if it it the biggest peice of shit you ever laid eyes on. So... you better review! If you don't... I'll find some way to come through you computer- or phone- and beat the shit out of you! Then Tim Shepard will finger you while you're unconcious! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! REVIEW AFTER U READ!_**

**_(Daym! The Author's Note is longer than the story...)_**

_(Warning: Cheezy way to start a story)_

_A full moon and a bright star sat up in the heavens, looking down at us as we danced and sang naked in the empty lot. We didn't have a care in the world._

_The moon shines down on Tim's hair as he grabs hold of me from behind, straddling my hips with his hands. His front pressed tightly against my back. He lets go and I spin around to face him, feeling the grass twist up under my feet. I throw my arms around his neck and sway my hips back and forward. Tim smirks, pulls me in close and wraps his arms around my waist. I inhaled deeply and memorized the scent of Tim Shepard._

_I looked up at Tim and found him gazing at the stars._

_I looked up there too._

"_You know there's something funny about that the sky tonight," Tim said, rocking me gently back and forward._

_Indeed there was something funny about the sky that night. There was a full moon and one star right there, all by themselves while all the other stars were far away from them, turned away, as if they were too ashamed of that one star to even look at it._

"_You know what that moon and that star remind me of?" Tim didn't give me a chance to answer. "You and me, I'm the moon and you're the star. See how the star shines, lighting up the whole sky, see how its beams of light reach out to the moon, like arms," Tim pushes me away, grabs hold of my hand and lifts it above my head. I felt myself being spun around and then I was pulled back into his arms. I swayed my hips again, I grinded my front against his. But then I stopped when I felt myself start to get hard._

"_See how the moon accepts the star's invitation to dance." Tim backs away. I laugh as Tim bows. "May I have this dance?" Then I realized that there were a couple of holes in his story._

"_Tim, I'm confused. I thought you said you were the moon, you said that the moon accepts the star's invitation to dance. Shouldn't I be the one to bow then?" _

_I froze as Tim whipped up and, roughly, pulled me into him. I could only stand there in shock as his lips crashed against mine. I tried to tell him to stop but I couldn't talk with his tongue in my mouth. I felt a cold wind blow against my behind._

_Suddenly I felt totally exposed, standing out in the open, naked with Tim Shepard, him and me pressed together kissing. _

"_I want you Pony, I NEED you Pony." _

_I felt my heart racing as Tim's cold hand traveled down my lower back. A weird tingling sensation moved all over me as I felt him pinch my bum. _

_I tried to tell myself that Tim wouldn't do it. I tried to convince myself that Tim wasn't that kind of guy. Tim wouldn't take advantage of me. But he did. And afterward I found myself lying there, naked, covered in Tim Shepard's sweat and semen. I tried not to cry. And I was successful. I didn't cry. Even when Jerub, from the Timber Street Tigers, walked out from behind a tree and said, "How much you want for him?" And Tim replied, "Eight Hundred, plus the do-anything- you-want fee."_

_I didn't cry. Even as Tim picked up my naked semen-stained body and handed it over to Jerub. I watched as Tim took the money from Jerub and, looking at me, he said "One hour. That's it. If you bring him back even one second after the set time, I'll have my boys after you. Bring my little star back here in one piece…"_

_I felt myself melting in Jerub's arms. Tim called me his little star. Even though he had just raped me and sold me, I was happy and in love with him. After all, he is Tim Shepard. He is my soul mate and I love him unconditionally. _

_I mean, I was a little shocked when I found out that he was prostituting the members of his gang for a living, but I eventually got over it. That's how much I love him. And to prove that I really felt for him and could be trusted, I started selling my body._

_I'd do anything for Tim and he knows it because I told him. It's completely true, too. I would go all the way and die for Tim just to show him how loyal I was. _

_That's what it takes to be in the Shepard's Gang. Loyalty._

"Ponyboy, get up! You've been asleep long enough!"

I shot up in bed and shuttered. That dream was crazy as hell. It was very realistic too. I half expected to wake up in Jerub's bedroom. But, here I am sitting in my own bedroom with my big brother yelling for me to get up.

Well, at least it wasn't a nightmare. Then again, half of it did seem like a nightmare. Well, sort of…

I pondered this as I climbed out of bed. I walked over to my dresser and opened the drawer. I started to get dressed. I took out a red undershirt and started pulling it over my head. I looked for a pair of jeans but I couldn't find any of mine. So, as a last resort, I opened Soda's drawer and took out a random pair of black sweat pants. I put those on, not even bothering to change my underwear. (Everyone got up before me. Two-bit is over here- I can hear his big loudmouth from here- The other day he busted in on me when I had my underwear off. He made a comment about what a big butt I had and then ran off.)

That's why I wasn't taking that chance anymore.

I walked into the kitchen and stared at what I saw.

Johnny was sitting at the table; stuffing his face full of chocolate cake. He didn't even notice me staring. After a couple of awkward moments I just went on about my business.

I walked into the living room and stared at what I saw. Darry was on the floor doing push-ups.

Two-bit was sitting on Darry's back adding resistance to the pushups, while staring at the television set.

Sodapop was sitting on the couch next to Dallas.

Dallas was watching _Gidget_… and man, was he watching.

Steve is lying on the floor on his stomach looking up at the TV.

I sat down next to Dallas- He's still ogling Gidget like he wants to climb through the screen and… I don't know; take a bite out of her or something! Frankly, I don't get why Dallas is so into her. He is so not her type. Girls like her want guys in the same social class. Girls like nice clean-cut guys. Guys, who tuck in their shirts, act decent and don't dress in ways that make them look like they can't afford a new pair of shoes. She wouldn't want a greaser. Gidget wouldn't want a guy like Dallas… or Tim.

Not like Tim would want her funky ass anyway! She isn't his type. I'm his type. She doesn't have a chance in the world. For obvious reasons too!

I could feel myself smiling, smiling so hard it hurt. 'Tim is gay' I thought 'and he's mine… ALL MINE!' I chuckled and felt my cheeks heat up as I remembered him calling me his little star in my dream last night….

Dallas breaks his gaze from the TV, smiles at me, then zones back in on Gidget.

Suddenly Darry busts out laughing. Everyone, including me, turns and stares at him. He was still doing pushups when he started singing.

"_Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for~!" _Darry sang.

Everybody just looks confused. Well, everyone but Sodapop. Sodapop looked kinda excited. He loved to sing. For him it's even better than a drag race or a dance. He gets to show off his incredible voice.

"That's what I said," h_e _said in his normal voice_. "A girl worth fighting for~!" _

Then the music started playing.

"_I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars~"_ Sodapop sings, in his odd high-pitched voice. He didn't seem to notice the weird look that Steve was giving him.

"_My girl will marvel at my strengths,"_ Darry puts one of his arms behind his back and does a one handed pushup. _"Adore my battle scars."_

Suddenly Steve starts singing, getting all up in Sodapop's face. _"Who gives a shit about the moon or how pale she is? It all depends on the size of her jugs-Those Large, bodacious, gazongas!"_

"Yeah!"

Suddenly we hear a knock on the door. (This is odd. I mean, there's no need to knock. Our door is always open.) The music pauses magically for a moment. Darry knocks Two-bit off his back and then gets up to answer the door. When he opens the door the music magically starts back up and Buck Merril, that tall lanky cowboy that Dallas stays with, walks in and starts singing.

"_I got a girl back home who's unlike any other~" _Buck sang, stretching the second note out an extra bit- earning a scowl from Darry.-

Darry gets all up in Buck's face, making a very angry expression. The music changes to fit his mood. (That's one of the things that happen here. Whenever we need a way to express the way we feel, the universe picks out a song. Usually you've never heard the song before you end up knowing all the lyrics. I once asked my parents about it when I was a little kid. –they had suddenly busted out singing Don't Go Wasting My Emotions over dinner. The music had come out of nowhere and scared the crap out of me. - My father said that there were certain things in the world that just couldn't be explained and that sometimes we need to just stop asking questions. Just go with the flow. - Anyway, even if you're right in the middle of a song, it can change… or they can combine depending on the person and the scenario.

"_Who do you think you are, joining in on our song?" _Darry sings with an irritated look on his face.

I heard Steve sing _"Collecting your jar of hearts…"_ just before the music went fact to the original tune.

"_All the girls at school think Pony's quite the charmer," _Two-bit sings, batting his- freakishly long- eyelashes at me. I made a rat face at him.

Darry starts flexing his arms so that they look like somebody cut them open, stuffed oversized softballs in there and sewed him back up without even leaving so much as a scratch.

"_And I'll bet the ladies love a man in armor,"_ Sodapop sings, making sure his vowels are extra tall. Darry gives Soda an approving look and then shoots the rest of us a look. We all know that look. We've received it numerous times over the past six months. That look means step it up a notch. We won't be able to pay the bills if we don't.

Johnny walks into the living room and sits down on the couch next to Dallas.

"_What do we want?"_ Steve sings, sounding kinda pitchy if you ask me.

"_A girl worth fighting for~!"_ Everybody sings. - Well, everybody but me and Johnny.

"_My girl will think I have no faults…"_

"… _and I'm a major fine…"_

"How 'bout a girl who's got a brain?" I asked. I mean surely they want to be able to hold a conversation with their girls. "Who always speaks her mind?" I added.

I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I sighed as they all shouted no at the same time.

Darry flexes again_. "My manly ways and turn-a-phrase are sure to thrill her," _Darry sang, pooching out his chest.

Steve jumps up and slaps Darry on the rump, receiving a laugh from all of us.

"_He thinks he's suck a lady KILLER~!" _Steve runs back over to the couch and hides behind Sodapop before Darry has a chance to do anything about it.

Darry stands there rubbing his bum and looking irritated. He then says _"What do we want?"_ only he says it sounding like he's got something stuck in his craw. Golly, that's the first time I ever heard Darry completely blow a note. He was completely flat!

Everyone around the room is sitting there pretending not to notice. Typical.

"_A girl worth fighting for~!"_

"TWO-BIT, YOU'RE FLAT! _That's what I said."_ Look who's talking, Darry…

"_A girl worth fighting for~!"_

"_Do-Re-Me-Fa~!"_

We were a more than shocked when Johnny stood up and started singing.

"_A girl worth ~~~~"_ Johnny carries out the "ing" sound for a long time. He then pauses and takes a deep breath.

"_FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~R~!"_

We all started clapping. After all this time Johnny finally got his voice! It was so incredible because most people have already found their voices by the time they turn ten years old. We thought Johnny was never gonna get his voice. But he got his! His voice showed up 6 years later than it should have!

I jumped up and hugged Johnny. I was so happy for him!

"Well, well, well, Johnny Cade; look at you! You finally got your voice."

Maybe there was still some hope left for me...

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><p><strong>Well, there you go bitches! :) BTW, If you think this is the stupidest Idea for a story ever and you also think I have some of the worst grammar in the history of the universe, feel free to critisize and blow me up with reviews! ;)<strong>

**All h8rs welcome to flame!**

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**Maybe I should spell it out for you...**

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